margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
