why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
