Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
