Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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