I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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