Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
