I wish I could teleport
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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