i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
