Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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