i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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