I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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