Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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