Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
