they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
