I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
