ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
