my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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