The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
