and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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