Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you inspire me to be a worse person
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
