i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
