I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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