It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
