i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They took my balls.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
