So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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