6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
