There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize