I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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