you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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