I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
