he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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