It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
