wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We named our party play list daddy issues
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
