You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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