You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
