So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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