I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
