So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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