My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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