The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
