There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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