Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ttyl tear gas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
