You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
