but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
