do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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