just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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