i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
