I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
