I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
