she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
