hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
