you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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