I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
