So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
