I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
