So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
