i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
