You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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