is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
