Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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