In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
