I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
