508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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