If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
