i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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