we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
